I Regret to Inform You....

Dear Claudine,

A couple of weeks ago I had an interview with a groovy creative agency that produces online games. The proper term for them is “advergames.” They are basically little arcade-style games you can play on your computer made to sell whatever great new movie or cereal or shoe or gee gaw “coming soon!” It was an ideal job that would have fostered creative energy and intellectual thought. It would have given me an outlet to express myself in an environment of artistic, high level exchange. And interact with clever, educated people. In a nutshell, it would have been a dream job. (The antithesis of where I currently work.) They had Sea Monkeys sitting on the receptionist’s desk for fuck sake! It was a job clearly meant for me! And yet, I received an email this morning from Sasha, the HR person, beginning with the words “I regret to inform you…” Oh Claudine, what went wrong? I was charming in my interview and fearlessly present and “on.” I thought I had made a connection with the top guy - and wrote a really smart piece of copy for some homework to prove my talent and savvy. And yet… Sasha regrets to inform me they have filled the creative copywriter position. But, sweet relief, they will keep my resume on file for future reference. I ask you Claudine, has anyone ever heard back from a company as a result of this ubiquitous yet highly suspect “future reference” claim?

‘Uh, yes, I was just going through this pile of rejected resumes and came across this one we’d stamped: file for future reference - and felt compelled to call!’

My only consolation was the fact that the new Feist CD “The Reminder” came out today. I went to Best Buy all excited about hearing my new favorite vocalist and, of course, they didn’t have a single copy. I will smile again Claudine. But not today.

Am I Blue (not a question),
Bradley

I Think It's Going to Rain Today

Dear Claudine,

I'm sure that you've heard by now... director Bob Clark and his son died in a car accident last week. Mr. Clark directed an eclectic array of films including the wonderful "Black Christmas," "Porky's" and that other seasonal favorite "A Christmas Story."

And I think it's going to rain today.

Sadly,
Bradley

Birthday Gift

Dear Claudine,

It’s been almost a month since my last correspondence. I apologize for not writing sooner, but March was a busy month. Several people had birthdays in March, including my own, and there was house organizing with a POD, a film festival and super villains that I had to thwart. So you see wonderful Claudine, I had very little time for a pleasant exchange. In the past month my job has become considerably more tolerable, though I hope that I can find something else soon. It’s the part of the movie where the hero learns that his company makes the chemical that turns people into CHUD, but he stays anyway – more afraid of unemployment than conspiring with evil. This is generally considered the best part of the movie… for everyone but the main character. For my birthday I received lots of cool music, including an amazing CD from you’re old A&M label-mate Lani Hall. Her “Brasil Nativo” from 1998 is a hauntingly beautiful release that showcases her warm, clear vocals. If you don’t already have it Claudine, I would highly suggest that you seek it out. The first song “Tres Curumins” made me cry on my way to work – and not just because I was on my way to work.

Hopefully,
Bradley

How Insensitive

Dear Claudine,

How have you been? I hope that you had a romantic Valentine’s Day! I meant to write you on the 14th, just to check in, but the past few days have been very stressful at work. On Valentine’s Day proper, I had the dubious task of moving two work computers to our new office downtown. The company hired movers for our furniture, but left it up to the employees to handle our heavy computers/monitors/cords and extra bullsh*t. With no convenient parking. In the chilly cold. During rush hour. I actually brought a camera to work to document how ridiculous it was for the company to impose such a thing. But I couldn’t bring myself to memorialize such a pathetic moment. However I did want to share just in case your Valentine’s Day wasn’t so stellar either. You could simply compare it to mine and not feel so bothered. My day did get considerably better when I finally made it home to my partner Dan. We listened to records and had a nice romantic meal. Then I got stoned out of my mind and tried to forget my regrettable situation.

How Insensitive,
Bradley

Did It Snow For You, Claudine?

Dear Claudine,

I hope that this letter finds you well. Do you have any exciting plans for Valentine's Day? Instead of sending you a silly Valentine, I thought I would share the poem I wrote for you that appeared in an issue of Artella a couple of years ago. The attached photo is myself and my cat Audrey... at the speical "snow window" my boyfriend created for our Christmas party. There is a chance of snow in Dallas on Valentine's Day, so this poem is especially timely:

"Did It Snow For You Claudine?"

Did it snow for you, Claudine?

Did the stillness wake you? Did it take you
to the window where
the frost obscures the night?

Did you find what you were seeking
vainly peeking through the pane?

Were you lost in the familiar
‘til unmindful longing found you
at the lamppost down the road?

Were your new eyes starry blurred
while the light captured
cascading flakes
blanketing
sidewalks broken,
wind enveloping?

Did the chill remember
the long ago December child
whispering Hal David
(breathing white hot rolling fade…)
past the neighbor’s snowman
back to places kind; forgotten?

Did it snow for you Claudine?
Does the snow fall even now?

Work is Blue

Dear Claudine,

How was your birthday last week? I hope that it was filled with friends, family and groovy vibes. I played “Love is Blue” several times at work in honor of the occasion. I had intended on sending you a poem that was published a few years ago that I wrote as an homage to you called “Did It Snow for You, Claudine?” But my job has become quite a bother of late – in fact it’s become an extraordinary pain in the ass! (All apologies for the strong language.) And I find myself either bringing work home on week nights - or spending the evening in a pathetic catatonic state, unable to do much but watch “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” on DVD. My partner has been very understanding! I promise I will send you the poem soon. My sister recently introduced me to an amazing singer that I think you would really appreciate. I play her everyday in my car on my way to work. Her name is Feist and her music has been an ideal soundtrack to these strange, maddening work days. Her lovely, lyrical “Mushaboom” is a standout. Go to YouTube and catch the video for “Mushaboom – Radio Edit.” It’s an unexpected little piece of brilliant.

Love Always,
Bradley

Manhattan

Dear Claudine,

My partner and I recently spent a long weekend in Manhattan. It was a wonderful getaway filled with art and energy and magical moments that could only be experienced in New York. The only sad part about it was that our favorite record store, Footlight Records, had recently closed. I’m not sure if you were aware of Footlight or not, but they specialized in Broadway and movie soundtracks. I bought several hard-to-find records there including “At Long Last Love” and “The Lonely Lady.” We even found a guy who sold us a bootleg recording of “Carrie: The Musical.” This trip I had my sights set on finding the soundtrack to your wonderful film “The Party.” Even though they unwisely didn’t include your vocal for “Nothing to Lose,” I wanted a mint copy for my collection. Sadly, it was not meant to be. I did discover that Footlight Records has an online presence. But somehow searching for groovy vintage records online isn’t the same as spending two hours leisurely looking, touching (even smelling) the aged pressed cardboard and vinyl. I did find a wonderful little record store called House of Oldies on 35 Carmine St. and bought the 45 of your version of “Sleep Safe and Warm,” which is one of my favorites. The main reason that I’m writing today is that I wanted to tell you about our Sunday brunch at the Algonquin Hotel. We went to see this amazing woman named Barbara Carrol. Though I had previously never heard of her, she’s evidently a jazz legend and very well respected. She is an accomplished piano player and has a lovely singing voice. She brought my partner and I to tears. We were so moved that my partner stole an Algonquin spoon from our brunch so we would always remember the moment. Please don’t think badly of him – we did leave the waiter a very generous tip.

Sugar Me,
Bradley

A Tepid, Sunny Sunday in January

Dear Claudine,

I hope that this letter finds you well. I’m feeling a little melancholy today. I think it’s a combination of the icy weather we didn’t get and the fact that it’s Sunday. Sadly, the sun is out today and the temperature gage reflects an underwhelming 56 degrees. I hope that wherever you are, it’s a chilly 20-something and the snow is quietly blanketing your surroundings. “Filling the fields you used to know…” and all that. Did I tell you that I’m one of the judges for a poetry contest sponsored by a groovy art magazine? Well I am - and it’s nothing to brag about; but I just realized this morning that the deadline for the ballot is in on your birthday: Monday, January 29th. Is there a large celebration planned? Or maybe just an intimate affair with family and friends? My feeling is that it’s the latter. In my version of your party, after dinner everyone is gathered into the great room by the fireplace. There you charm everyone with “Nothing to Lose,” accompanied only by guitar. Wish I could be there! So far the poems I’ve been reviewing haven’t been so great. I tried to imagine you singing a few of the better submissions, but it was unable to change my indifference to them. Maybe I should wait to read any more until our projected ice storm tomorrow night. A tepid, sunny Sunday in January is not the ideal day to be reading poetry – amateur or otherwise.

Love (is blue),
Bradley

Love is Blue